Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
