At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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