Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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