Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
