He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
