I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
