why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
