You're my little dorito
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pants are for mortals
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
