Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
