so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
