So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize