Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
