WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
