I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
