I didn't shave. On purpose
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize