Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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