This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
