bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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