The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize