I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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