I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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