I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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