Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
