I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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