he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
