I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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