There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
