drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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