Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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