I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize