guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
