Got a toothbrush?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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