While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
