Your dad touched me again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize