i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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