oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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