She announced her abortion via fbk
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
