He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize