Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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