Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
