on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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