All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize