i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and she was petting her beer can
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
