I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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