Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
