Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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