she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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