I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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