Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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