I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
