I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
