I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
