i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
