he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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