we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
