the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
