Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
