cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
