my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
