thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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