he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
