Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
