I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
