her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
