I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
