Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
