You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
