Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
