well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
