I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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