just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
