I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
