every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
