I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
