My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize