I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
