Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
