they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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