he shaved USA in his pubs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
