We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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