Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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