Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they need to just BURY HIM!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
