my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
