3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
