she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
