the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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