Where is the hickey?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
