No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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