i think i have two assholes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
