Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Someone shit on the floor
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
