Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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