my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
