I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
