Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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