we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
